why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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