I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
