I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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