my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
