if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
