i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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