I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
