I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize