so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
