oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
