He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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