JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
