I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
