im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
