I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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