fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize