i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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