So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
