So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
