what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
