I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
