Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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