He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
