Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
