Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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