is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
