He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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