he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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