At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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