I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize