hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize