Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
