I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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