Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
