By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
