I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize