We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
