On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
