so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
