I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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