doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
