I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
