I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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