***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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