The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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