I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
