There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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