my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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