It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
