Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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