one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
