my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
