Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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