i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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