lets start a swedish sibling band together
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
