Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
where does the pee come out of this thing
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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