look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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