So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize