Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
