Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
