Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
