I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
