i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
