11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
