What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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