so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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