Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
