Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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