; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
