First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
how does that bad decision feel?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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