Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
