he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
