I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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