mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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