im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
