we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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