New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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