I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
