he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize