I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
