GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
