Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
