i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I had to cum in my sink.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
