Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
